Tomorrow is my 25th birthday.
It seems like this year has flown by.
When I reflect on this past year, it’s crazy to think about all the things that have happened and how this past year has significantly changed my life.
Last year, I posted a picture on Instagram and said that I wanted 24 to be the year of happiness. I’d say that is partly what happened.
I started 24 with my third year of law school. I figured the most exciting thing I’d do while 24 was graduate law school. Shortly thereafter, my dad died unexpectedly. Then, two days after his funeral, I found out I was pregnant.
Since November 17, my life has been a crazy roller coaster of emotions.
Heartbroken over my dads death, joyful over my pregnancy, scared about telling the world about my struggles, and elated over graduating law school.
I never thought the things that happened this year would happen. I thought it would be a longggggg time until my dad died or I would have a baby. I thought I’d be looking at my dad in the crowd at graduation while getting hooded. I thought bar prep wouldn’t be this difficult or physically painful.
I am thankful to God every day that I am alive and healthy but I can’t help but wonder how my life would have been different had those events not happened.
Who knows, maybe I wouldn’t have posted a blog about my sexual assault story, I wouldn’t be wiggling around in pain from pregnancy because my ribs and back hurt all the time, and my apartment would still be cluttered because I wouldn’t be making room for a baby.
But, honestly, as much as it pains me that my dad isn’t here and won’t be present in my daughters life, I’m glad 24 turned out the way it did.
Don’t get me wrong, I am still heartbroken over my dads early departure and cry almost every day, but I love where I’m at right now.
Yes, I’m exhausted from bar prep and pregnancy and I can’t help but think bar prep would be soooo much easier had I not been pregnant, but I think God planned this because He knew I’d come out a stronger and better person on the other side.
I’ll be the first to admit I question Gods intentions all the time. Like, why did He call my dad home, why would He bless me with a baby knowing I’m taking the bar exam, what’s the purpose of it all?
I constantly ask why in every aspect of my life and I think a big part of 25 will be learning to let go and trust that God knows what He is doing with my life. I mean, I believe that in theory, but actually putting it into practice is a lot easier said than done.
I pray that 25 will be just as rewarding, demanding, and emotional as 24. Obviously it will be because I’ll have a baby to take care of, plus a newborn (jk Bret! haha). But I’m hoping God will continue to surprise me, good or bad, because I know, if I could make it through 24, I can make it through anything.
Here are some snapshots of things that happened over this past year!
One of the first things I did as a 24 year old was go to the San Diego Comic Con for the first time! I was part of a group that performed in Masquerade, which is a costume contest (we did Star Wars). It was so much fun to walk around the floor. Above is my sister-in-law and I with the TARDIS (our fave!) and me with Bae (aka Benedict Cumberbatch).
Before starting my 3L year, I headed over to the elementary school I went to because my mom transferred there! She’s back at teaching in the same grade as when she left the school 23ish years before! My niece and I ran around the playground playing on the jungle jim and playing tetherball (which I won every time, thank you very much).
When I walked into my dad’s house the day after we found out, I naturally gravitated towards this chair and blanket. This chair belonged to my grandpa who passed away when I was 10 and this chair holds a ton of memories. It currently is sitting in my living and I sit in it all the time. This blanket has been on my parents bed for forever. My dad used to take the tassels on the end and tickle my nose with them. It’s still weird to think I can’t call him up and talk to him about life. Miss you, dad!
Two days after my dad’s funeral we found out that I’m pregnant! I’m due mid-August so I’ll be 9 months pregnant while taking the bar exam. Fun stuff…. But in general, we are so excited (and I think our families are too!). It’s been 12 years since we’ve had a baby around and everyone has been itching for another, especially since both my siblings got married last year. Every day that she kicks I keep telling her to come out already…but to wait until after I take the bar, haha (it can be on the second day in the second session for all I care).
So this is Kaila and she is dating Bret’s brother Nic. One of the greatest things that’s happened is becoming friends with her this year. She is so nice and genuine and we like all the same stuff! The best part is she’s due with a baby just a couple months after me!! So my baby girl is going to have cousin she can actually grow up with! We don’t know if it’s a boy or girl but we are dead set that it’s a boy because all her cravings and pregnancy symptoms are soooo opposite to mine!
Last but not least, GRADUATION!! That day was so surreal. I had been waiting to graduate for so long. I had quite the bump at this point so my robe stuck out a little, it looked so funny, haha. As I was getting hooded I had to hold back tears, partly from the sun but mostly because I had wished my dad was there. But I knew that he, my grandparents, and uncles had the best seats in the house and had their own little cheering party going. He would’ve loved to have been there (I think he was more excited for me to graduate than I was, haha).
That’s it! That’s how I spent my 24th year!
Crazy how time flies!
Check back tomorrow as I share 25 things about myself and what I hope to accomplish this upcoming year!